Incoming press reports suggest that the Republican victory in last week's election was attributable to a coalition of religious voters who chose McCain at the last minute, in a direct rebuke the perceived anti-religious bias of what Fox News' Bill O'Reilly called "the blue-state pinheads and their contempt for the values of ordinary Americans."
The religious coalition included both the familiar "Religious Right" that has long been part of the Republican base and many moderate-to-liberal Christians who had previously intended to vote for Senator Obama, but were repelled at the last minute by the crude attack on religious faith in Bill Maher's satirical documentary Religulous, which opened in theatres last month, and which many perceived as a lampoon of their most deeply-held values.
Jews and Muslims, equally offended by the film, are said to have united behind the McCain/Palin ticket as well. "Give Maher credit," said Abraham Foxman of the Anti-Defamation League. "He has turned bitter enemies into political allies." A spokesman for Hezbollah, who declined to give his name on account of how pointless that would make his ski mask, invited Maher to visit Israel and Lebanon, adding, "We look forward to welcoming him according to the traditions of our people. Oh, and death to America. Did I say that yet?"
Disgraced Republican strategist Karl Rove, reached at his post-election bacchanal in Las Vegas, laughed into the telephone for thirty seconds before saying, "Ah, yes, the culture wars -- the gift that keeps on giving."
Blogger Father Anonymous, who has been sulking in the basement for two weeks, emerged briefly to predict four more years of winter, and to tip his biretta to Father W.E.B. for alerting him to the ugliness of the the world we live in.