Saturday, February 21, 2009

Google is Part of the Conspiracy

... to keep the location of Atlantis a secret forever.

Per Auntie Beeb, above, close observers of Google Earth have identified an underwater street grid some 600 miles off the coast of Africa.  Obviously, there's only one thing this could be.

But boring old Google insists it's a data glitch, the result of boats crisscrossing the area as they take sea-floor sonar readings.

Why does this matter to Egg readers?  Well, er, we're sure there's a reason.  First, it's political:  obviously, the Trilateral Commission is keeping this a secret.  And they're probably using black helicopters to do it.  And second, it's religious.  Oh, sure it is.  Stick with us.  Plato was the guy who first described Atlantis, and upon whom all the subsequent fairy tales -- oops, we meant investigations -- depend.  And Plato, especially as reinterpreted by the likes of Plotinus, was an enormous influence on Patristic theologians (especially Augustine) and later on Medieval Christianity (especially through Pseudo-Dionysius).  So, although skeptics may argue that a youth-buggering pagan philosopher dead centuries before Christ has no particular necessary connection to the Church and its faith, traditional Christianity begs to differ.  A vindication of Plato is at least as likely to vindicate the Christian faith as, say, an ossuary marked "Jesus" would have been to undermine it.  Ahem.

But Google, obviously answering to Richard Dawson and Christopher Hitchens (who probably give the Trilateral Commission its marching orders, from their secret headquarters in an extinct volcano), is hiding the truth about Atlantis.  Maybe Spong is in on it too.  Next thing you know, they'll announce that all the gridlines on Google Mars aren't really canals.  Don't let them fool you!

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