Dept. of No Surprise: Headlines Edition

Sometimes, just skimming the headlines can turn us back into fourth-graders. At least it can provoke the comment most heard on our fourth-grade classroom -- apart, of course, from speculation about cooties. In our tender years, when somebody said something that was obvious, stupid or both, it was the custom of our cohort to respond derisively, "No duh."

A few years later, scatological Holmesiana came to serve the same purpose. But in the fourth grade, people still said "Duh," which curiously meant the same thing with or without the "no."

And in the spirit of the fourth grade, we offer a few of today's no-duh headlines (bear in mind that the headers of different pages may vary; all of these, however, have been observed verbatim at some point today):

• Westboro Baptist Plans to Protest Whitney Houston Funeral: Also every other event ever held anywhere.
• Gunmen Behind Nigerian Jailbreak: Because most jailbreaks are led by Mahatma Gandhi.
• Drone Kills Pakistan Militants: Um, yes. Have you actually been here for the Obama Administration?
• Libya Militias "Out of Control": To be fair, that's the teaser on the Beeb's main news page. The headline proper just says that the militias are threatening stability.
• Conservative Pundits Find Romney Disengaged: Also Moderate, Liberal, Mormon, and French-Speaking
• In Birth Control, Both Sides Seek Advantage: Really? And how is this day unlike every single day in American history since January 22, 1973?
• Richard Dawkins Claims Religion Now 'Irrelevant' In U.K.: see comment above. (And for extra facepalm, the Christian Post put this on their Europe page. Do they have any idea how much the Brits hate being called Europeans?)

These are all worthwhile stories, we imagine -- worth reporting and worth reading. It's just that none of them can possibly come as much of a surprise to anybody.

Now, this, on the other hand, surprises us -- and delights us:

• "Shatner's World -- We Just Live in It" Heads to Broadway: And yet some people say there is no God.