George W. Bush is Chicken

Dear Former President Bush,

Call their bluff! Otherwise, we're calling you a chicken.

Word on the street is that you have canceled a speaking engagement in Switzerland, out of concern that you might be arrested there for war crimes.

Those lame-o bleeding hearts at Human Rights Watch say they plan to submit a case against you to the Geneva courts on Monday. About the waterboarding thing, obviously. or as they call it, "torture." They say the complaint is going to run to 2,500 pages. But big whoop, dude. You've probably issued signing statements longer than that. High five.

Sure, HRW has pursued effective legal actions against Chilean strongman Augusto Pinochet and Hissene Habre of Chad. But those guys weren't Americans. Frankly, we don't think the Swiss have the cojones to arrest you. One of their nameless bureaucrats even said as a former head of state, you would enjoy "a certain diplomatic immunity." Yeah, sure, Pinochet was a former head of state, but he was from Latin America, not the real America. Wrong side of the Rio Grande. Rules are different south of the border. You know what I mean, right?

But here's the thing. You back down this time, it's just gonna happen again. Next thing, you can't visit Spain, or Belgium. Not that you want to visit Belgium, obviously, but it's on the way to places. For all we know, Merkel is still sore about that backrub. If you don't nip this legal-action-for-torture baby in the bud, you won't be able to get off a plane anywhere. For that matter, neither will Unca Dick or his buddies 'Berto and "Squinty" Yoo and that guy with the beard, David Addingmachine. You gotta look out for the team, here, pal.

So call their bluff. Sure, it's a little risky. Sure, worst case, you wind up in prison. But, dude, it'll be a Swiss prison. That's gotta be more luxurious than the regular kind. Little chocolates on the pillow, and we're talking Swiss chocolates.

Come on, then. Go to Switzerland. Otherwise, we're all gonna think you're some kind of scaredy-cat mama's boy.

Yours,

The Egg