Folks, there is a reason we have birdbaths and pouring shells. Or big indoor tubs and pastoral waders.
Okay, look, this story is absolutely horrible. We know it isn't funny. And we know that there's a long history of outdoor baptisms, including that of our Lord. But there is also a long history of churches trying not to kill people during worship, and this is the tradition we'd like to see passed on to future generations.
Also: maybe it's time to reconsider weddings on the beach.