According to the carabinieri, Satan-worshipers broke into a Turin church and stole some holy water and a missal. Experts on magic say the holy water has no special value in their rites. The missal wasn't historic or valuable; it was just a typical twenty-year-old altar book. Frankly, there's nothing in it you couldn't download off the Net in five minutes.
Oh, Satan! Is this what it's come to now -- reduced to symbolic petty theft? Remember your glory days? Remember the Black Death, the papal indulgences, the witch-trials, the religious wars, colonialism and the World Wars? Remember AIDS and 9/11 and the Florida recount? Ou sont les malefices d'antan?
Wait a sec. This just in: Satan is doing fine, thanks; it's only his followers who content themselves with silly antics instead of the real thing. Just like Jesus.